At some point, it happens to all of us. No one makes it through life without being hurt, betrayed or disappointed so badly that the act of forgiveness seems impossible. If you’ve been there, you know how this feels. There’s something insidiously delightful about hanging on to feelings of bitterness and rage, probably because deep down, you’re hoping this person who is the object of your anger, will feel the same feelings of devastation that you do. However, to quote Nelson Mandela, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Although it may feel as if forgiveness will benefit the very person you feel doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, the act of forgiveness is always, most importantly, for you.
It’s important to understand what forgiveness is, and what it’s not. Forgiveness is not excusing the act or behavior that hurt you, nor is it saying that what happened was okay. It’s also not a “get out of jail free” card that implies that the other person shouldn’t be held responsible for what they did. It doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong, and it certainly doesn’t mean, “I’d be okay having a relationship with you” if that’s not the case. Forgiveness is letting go of the feelings that are keeping you from moving forward and are preventing you from being happy in your own life. By not forgiving, it’s tempting to think that you are controlling the situation because you’re choosing to hang onto the destructive feelings that you now have. In reality though, as long as you don’t forgive, you aren’t controlling anything; it’s controlling you. You’ll never experience freedom until you truly can forgive.
So how can you begin the process of forgiving?
First, realize that your rage isn’t affecting the other person one bit. Once you realize that, the first step towards forgiving may become a bit easier. In a highly charged emotional state, fantasies that the person who wronged you is, right this minute, miserable and experiencing all sorts of calamities due to the force of your feelings, are easy to believe. Nothing could be further from the truth. That person is just going about their life, whereas you are the one who is miserable. Raging and hating aren’t hurting the other person but it is hurting you. If you want to make your life happier, take complete responsibility for YOU and let go of your feelings.
Next, find the proverbial silver lining and see what good came from the situation. Although this may be difficult at first, is it possible that you have been released or re-directed in a way that only could have come about as a result of this? If not, what good can you create now from what happened?
Finally, stop telling the story. Neuro-science continues to prove that when we have the same thoughts over and over again, it creates a path in the brain and the stronger the path, the easier it is to “go there”. It’s not going to change anything to keep reliving the situation, and in a time where you most likely need people around you for support, telling the story over and over again can become a wearying event for your supporters. Don’t get stuck in your story or it will become very difficult to craft a new one for the future.
Forgiveness, if you are brave enough to execute it, also has very real benefits. People who forgive have less anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure, lower alcohol and substance abuse and improved sleep quality. In addition to these physical benefits, people who forgive also tend to have healthier relationships in general, have happier lives and are able to fully enjoy the present, since they are not stuck in the past.
Forgiveness is really about letting go; letting go of the hope, dreams and plans you had, which may not be possible any longer as a result of the betrayal or hurt you experienced. Nature abhors a vacuum though, and letting go will create space for new, good things to start showing up. Don’t miss what could be and the chance to have new, happy experiences. Nothing could be sadder than these passing you by because you can’t let go. Forgive and let good come to you.
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Did you die a traumatic death in a past life? You may still be feeling it’s impact today.
Have you ever just met someone and felt as though you’ve been friends forever? Or visited a place for the first time, yet you knew it?
Think of your different lifetimes as roles you play in a theater production. The eternal, spiritual self costumes up for the current role and the play begins. Yet previous lifetime roles can often interfere with the current scene.
Every area of your life can be affected by your previous lives. If you drowned in a past life, you may still feel it’s impact in your day to day existence, as you avoid being near the water. You will repeat the cycle until you finally release it and learn its significance or inherent lessons.
That pain in your shoulder may be the result of being lanced in the 12th century. Your fear of heights may be the result of a fall off a cliff. A difficult relationship may be a rerun from a previous life or lives.
Your current money issues may stem from the vow of poverty you took as a monk. Your fear of spiders may relate to a death by spider bite. The possibilities are endless. One segment of my 5 Step Miracle Breakthrough Technology addresses past life issues as they influence current life situations. I’ve seen many fascinating cases where issues that were directly related to past life events were easily resolved once we discovered their source and cleared it.
‘Tanya’ felt guilty about spending time with her son. She knew he needed her, but she was either too tired for him, or was distracted by something else. I intuited that her son, in a previous lifetime, had been her little daughter who had drowned. The pain and guilt that she carried over to this life were so over-whelming that she was not comfortable spending time with her son. After we cleared this past life issue, she was immediately able to be present with him. They now have a very close relationship.
Learn how to clear old past life issues affecting your relationships, health, finances, and more in my new FREE guide. Grab your copy now!
Remember when you were small without any filters? You were like a little sponge, absorbing your family’s values, their beliefs, and their thought patterns. You learned from your siblings. You learned from your teachers, from TV, from church, your friends, and your community. You acquired many, many beliefs that don’t serve you any longer.
The weird and frustrating issue with these beliefs is that they tend to serve as transparent lenses, or filters through which you view your world, so you don’t see them. You were probably not aware of them until I mentioned them.
When you look through a filter that says, “money doesn’t grow on trees,” or “good things don’t happen to people like me,” or “I’m just not good with money,” or “women aren’t successful,” your outer world creates what you believe. You will find yourself short of cash, unable to make ends meet. Unfortunately, you will work hard and struggle to make money, not realizing it’s an inside job.
Since you’ve always looked at life through these lenses, you have no other reference point. And the irony is that when you see things through these transparent filters, they become your truth…your reality… the only way things can be. These beliefs are insidious… silent… hidden… and they can keep you completely stuck.
Henry Ford famously said, “If you believe you can, you can. If you believe you can’t, you can’t.” It’s really that simple.
When you release your old self-sabotaging beliefs and replace them with new, positive affirmations, miracles can occur! Here’s what one of my clients experienced:
“I increased my client load and my income. I began to attract clients at a level that was unprecedented and unparalleled, with multiple thousand dollar contracts and opportunities for speaking that showed up out of the blue.”
Mission Based Branding
Zap all your self-sabotaging beliefs quickly and easily and create something wonderful! Grab my FREE guide NOW!
When you feel stuck, it’s generally because your energy is stuck. You are energy, and your body is composed of millions of atoms containing subatomic particles? Between these particles lie vast expanses of space. If you could actually condense all this matter in your body, it would fit nicely into an apple seed. Wowza!
And that’s not all! Besides your physical body, you have subtle bodies, transparent overlays that connect interdimensionally with your physical body.
When everything is in alignment, healthy emotions flow freely in and out through your subtle bodies like clouds. But when emotional issues are troubling you, they can congeal in your emotional body and create congestion that stops or greatly reduces the energy flow. This can keep you stuck in your relationships, finances or health.
In addition, your subtle bodies are filled with meridians and chakras or energy centers. Energy can get stuck here from past traumas. As if that isn’t enough, because your energy fields overlap with those of other people, you may be carrying energetic baggage that’s not yours.
Some people, like me and some of my clients, are empaths, extremely sensitive to the energies of others. Empaths feel other people’s emotions and energy blockages in our own bodies. I had no idea I was an empath for most of my life. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I could not go to a party without being “zapped” by other people’s energy. I did not realize what an amazing gift I had that could help others.
Empaths can feel especially vulnerable and believe that the world is not safe. You may also feel exhausted and drained when you are around specific people. And, because empaths are not born with a handbook, it can be difficult to figure things out for yourself.
There also can often an energetic connection between narcissists and empaths, who often find themselves puzzled, wondering why they are repeating the same relationships over and over again.
Lila, a warm hearted therapist, has devoted herself for years to serving others. She came to see me because of uncomfortable sensations she was experiencing in her body. As we explored an energetic connection she shared with her mother, she realized spontaneously that she had taken on her mother’s guilt and shame over a life or death emergency abortion her mother had had when Lila was a baby. Her mother had never told her about the abortion. It was a secret shared only with the doctor, her husband and her mother. When asked, her mother confirmed that it had, indeed taken place. Lila had been carrying her mother’s guilt and shame for over fifty years. Once she was aware of the cause, and we released it, all her uncomfortable issues disappeared.
Don’t stay stuck! Learn my favorite energy clearing exercise in my FREE guide. Grab your copy now!
Everyone experiences loss. It’s a natural part of life. The death of a loved one, a crippling accident, or the breakup of a significant relationship can shake you to your core. These events can be excruciating to deal with, and many people DON’T deal with them, hoping things will get better with time.
Sadly, that is often not the case. As a result, you may feel a persistent sadness, or a “knowing” that things are not quite right.
Then there are hidden losses. Something happened and you went on with your life and never dealt with it. You just kept going. You may not have even realized at the time how big it was. Yet, when you think about it, on occasion, you might feel a twinge of sadness, or pain, or regret for what might have been. It may have been the loss of your health, youth, beauty, sexiness, or lifestyle losses from a health crisis or financial disaster.
Losses block the energy flow in your life and you will hold them in your energetic field until they are released. You may feel them as a heaviness in your chest or a lump or congestion in your throat.
Unhealed loss can affect your relationships, your health, your cash flow; even your self esteem may plummet! Your emotions around a painful divorce or breakup may create a downhill spiral of apparent bad luck, financial disaster, and inability to move forward in a loving relationship. This need not be.
I came to MarBeth after I had just lost my mother and my job in the same week. I was terrified that I would be unable to find work or to support myself. I do not worry about this any more. I am able to see the positive in life and not the negative. I feel in control of my universe. I also feel an inner calm that I have not ever experienced before.
Josi Hausner, Sales Representative, New York
Create a happier life by understanding what might may be blocking it. Grab my new FREE guide and learn whether losses have been holding you back and what to do about it.
Do you find yourself unconsciously repeating the same patterns, choosing the same type of situation or partner, yet hoping for a different outcome? Cindy (not her real name) felt trapped. She had strong feelings for an emotionally unavailable man, very much like her father who was distant and cold. Cindy’s love interest pursued other women openly, and dangled her on a string for years, yet she was unable to let him go. Does that sound like you?
If you, like Cindy, grew up in a dysfunctional family, where a parent, sibling, or caretaker was physically or emotionally abusive, distant, unavailable, or narcissistic, chances are you will attract a romantic partner, close friend, employer, or co-worker with similar characteristics. You may find yourself unconsciously repeating the pattern again and again, choosing the same type of situation or partner, yet hoping for a different outcome. You may think, “Perhaps this time things will be different and my boss or love interest will finally see me and appreciate me, or love me unconditionally.”
The people you attract may appear to be different from your parent and the circumstances dissimilar, but intrinsically, where it matters, they are the same. It’s impossible to read the label from within the jar, thus, ironically, people are often blind to their patterns. That is why a neutral observer can be so important to help you move through them. The silver lining is that repeating patterns can be a gateway to healing the past so you can move forward.
As we worked together, Cindy was empowered to shift her beliefs about herself and her value, and release her old self-sabotaging patterns. Not only was she finally happy and free to move on, but as an added bonus, when the energy shifted, her relationship with her father shifted too. For the first time in her life, he became warm, loving and appreciative.
Identify and release your old patterns! Grab your FREE guide today!