Most of us would love to have a relationship with a significant other. Have you wondered why you currently don’t have a “special someone” – or why things don’t seem to go well in the romance department? If you’re frustrated by meeting quality people and sustaining romantic relationships, here are a few things you can look at and then practice immediately to change your situation.
If you find that you continually have challenges in this area, or attracting the same people over and again in different packages, I know, it can be tempting, and perhaps not without merit, to cast blame on the people you’re meeting for not being good relationship material. Yet, don’t be surprised, there’s a good chance the common denominator is you!
Darlene (not her real name) had a pattern of attracting unavailable men. She had never had a good relationship, and feared she never would. Since her dad had not been available to her growing up, she had no reference for having an available man in her life. Upon connecting this recurring pattern with her family history, and releasing the underlying beliefs undermining a good relationship, Darlene has seen a very positive shift in the men she’s dating.
If you would like to change your recurring pattern of attracting the same “bad news” type, ask yourself if there is indeed a pattern. Then you can start examining it. What kind of similar character or behavior traits do you typically attract and do these traits resemble any of the significant people in your past?
One strange thing about patterns is that they feel familiar and when things feel familiar, we tend to gravitate towards them, regardless of whether it’s good for us or not. Familiar starts to mean “good” or “right” in your mind because familiar can be comfortable in a weird way, even when being comfortable isn’t the best or most healthy thing for you. Just as you may routinely turn to unhealthy eating or drinking habits when you’re not conscious of your behavior, it’s very common to do the same thing when meeting and creating a relationship with someone.
A great way to stop the cycle of having unhealthy relationships is to become very aware of who you attract into your life and who you have previously determined as “attractive”; not just physically but as a partner. When you examine your romantic relationships, you’ll probably discover that you keep dating the same type of person over and over! Give some thought as to where that pattern is coming from, on and why you may be attracted to certain personalities.
Remember, you have the power to create your life. Decide the kind of partner you would like to have, and ask yourself whether you are the person they might be attracted to. Ultimately, you won’t have the relationship you desire, until you love, accept, and appreciate yourself for who you are.
So what can you do to start loving yourself?
A great way to begin, is to speak to yourself in positive terms. Would you ever talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself…or would that just be too mean? Stop judging yourself, and begin to appreciate all you do and everything you are. Choose to have better thoughts about yourself, and you will find you start choosing better people. When you truly begin to see the wonderful person you are, you will only allow people who choose to cherish and love you into your life. Then, you will notice the ones who don’t meet your criteria disappearing from your life. If you’re not treating yourself with love and respect, it’s almost a certainty that no one else will.
A quick exercise you may want to try this week, is to stand in front of a mirror three times a day and tell yourself that you love yourself and why. When you find the joy of you, in you, other people will notice and want to be a part of your life. To have a great romantic relationship, and be well loved by others, you have to be well loved by you. Change that and all your other relationships will change as well.
© 2012 MarBeth Dunn – all rights reserved