It happens. Relationships end. There’s something so raw about feeling abandoned; left behind to endure the world while someone you love has moved on. No matter how it happens, when people leave us, it is usually a time of licking your wounds of sorrow, sadness and often anger. Endings can also stir up memories of past losses, that trigger older emotional issues.
So here’s my question….What if you could embrace your loss as part of a bigger picture? You might still need to grieve. Yet what if you could move through the grief process more quickly and even see it as a kind of gift in the grander scheme of things?
One of the most valuable gifts loss offers is the opportunity for growth. Have you noticed that in every kind of loss, there is often a lesson that you needed to learn, and perhaps even a silver lining? It may take a while before you can see it. You may need to explore your memories to shed some light on the hows and whys of your current situation. If you’ve ever experienced a break-up or fractured relationship, one of the most beneficial lessons is to examine the part you played. A relationship, by its very definition, includes more than one person (except, of course, the relationship you have with yourself). Looking at the loss of the relationship through a different lens gives you the chance to see how certain behaviors, thoughts or patterns were part of how the relationship evolved, was sustained and eventually ended. To be clear, sometimes people just do unkind things so this isn’t about blaming yourself. After all, you can’t control what anyone else does. But what you can do is look at how you contributed to create the dynamic of the relationship. Maybe you could have set better boundaries, or had more self-love, which would have given you more confidence. Maybe you realize that you want to appreciate and live in the moment more in your next relationship. There are real lessons in there and the more willing you are to view loss as a hidden gift, the better chance you will have of healing and of also creating a different path for yourself in the future.
Losing people always feels premature: no matter the circumstances, we all want just a little more time. And, what if all the relationships in your life had a predetermined contract to create exactly what occurred? Imagine that, in some other place and time, two souls came together and decided that they would experience each other in some kind of finite way, and that when all was said and done, they would live and love in the memory of what they had? From this perspective, all endings would be in perfect order because the length of the relationship had already been decided. Loss is still loss but doesn’t this perspective feel more like poetry in motion?
Ultimately, just like everything in life, loss can provide you with a deep sense of gratitude if you can tap into a higher perspective, and see the relationship for everything it gave you rather than focusing on what you feel it took from you. Live the loss through your heart and don’t be afraid to feel what you feel. There’s beauty, even in loss, and when you see the beauty and recognize the lessons, joy won’t be far behind.
© 2012 MarBeth Dunn all rights reserved