Do you find yourself unconsciously repeating the same patterns, choosing the same type of situation or partner, yet hoping for a different outcome? Cindy (not her real name) felt trapped. She had strong feelings for an emotionally unavailable man, very much like her father who was distant and cold. Cindy’s love interest pursued other women openly, and dangled her on a string for years, yet she was unable to let him go. Does that sound like you?

If you, like Cindy, grew up in a dysfunctional household, where a parent, sibling, or caretaker was physically or emotionally abusive, distant, unavailable, or narcissistic, chances are you will attract a romantic partner, close friend, employer, or co-worker with similar characteristics. You may find yourself unconsciously repeating the pattern again and again, choosing the same type of situation or partner, yet hoping for a different outcome. You may think, “Perhaps this time things will be different and my boss or love interest will finally see me and appreciate me, or love me unconditionally.”

The people you attract may appear to be different from your parent and the circumstances dissimilar, but intrinsically, where it matters, they are the same.  It’s impossible to read the label from within the jar, thus, ironically, people are often blind to their patterns. That is why a neutral observer can be so important to help you move through them.  Repeating patterns can offer you an opportunity to heal the past and move forward.

As we worked together, Cindy was empowered to shift her beliefs about herself and her value, and release her old self-sabotaging patterns. Not only was she finally happy and free to move on, but as an added bonus, when the energy shifted, her relationship with her father shifted too. He became warm, loving and appreciative.

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