It can cause a headache or migraine, or a nagging feeling of guilt. It keeps you from sticking to your diet, or going to the gym. It shows up inside you, in your personal relationships, between groups, or factions, and on a larger scale, it can explode into war.
I’m talking about conflict, which you may not have realized has been a root cause of your self-sabotage.
Defined by dictionary.com as, “discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition,” conflict appears to be a natural part of the human condition. Or is it?
On a personal level, conflict simmers below the surface, keeping you from living life fully. Things like helping a friend or relative when you really don’t want to; feeling guilty about bailing on chores to do something fun; avoiding activities you KNOW are good for you… all mean you’re in conflict.
You may find it surprising, but there is good news… fear and conflict are the same, and can be resolved with love. Yes, that may sound a bit simplistic, so I’ve included an easy way to release conflict and live your life wholeheartedly.
How to Tame Conflict and Live Happier:
1- Don’t “Should” on yourself! The world “should” is a dead giveaway that you feel obliged. It means you are not committed 100% to what you’re doing. (And you’d rather be doing something else!) It’s the same with the words, “Have to”.
2- Stop What You’re Doing – If you get that “something’s wrong” feeling when you set out to do something. Stop. Recognize that you are in conflict.
3- Write it all out – Grab a sheet of paper. Fold it down the middle. Write down the benefits of doing it in the left column, and the reasons why you don’t want to do it in the right.
4- Feel it – Allow yourself to feel both aspects at the same time… I want to, but I don’t want to, Sit with both feelings for a while without judgment, and imagine these feelings surrounded with a bubble of love. It may feel uncomfortable or weird, but hang in there!
Bringing your feelings to the light, acknowledging, allowing, and surrounding them with love may be all you need to move into a space of happiness, committing 100% to living life fully.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson from A Course in Miracle
Ever feel like you’re trying to stand and balance on a large ball as it rolls along? That’s life! Life is always on the move. It’s challenging, and change is constant.
Change can be positive, full of opportunity… but there’s always that temptation to play it safe and stick to the familiar and hold firmly to what you know… even if you don’t like it.
Fear is not comfortable and there’s a strong impulse to resist it. It’s fear that holds you back from the things you want…
It’s why you stay in a relationship after it no longer serves you, even though you know you deserve better.
It’s why you stay in a job or career that you’ve outgrown.
Fear holds you back from your greatest opportunities. It creates resistance when you start on an exciting new path. It keeps you small, diminished, unsatisfied, and lackluster.
Close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself, “What if I had no limits, nothing holding me back, and all the money I need, what do I want to do? Who do I want to be? What are my greatest aspirations?”
What images come to mind? What feelings… body sensations? The more you can feel it, see it, be it, your magnetism and desire will pull it into your life.
Notice the feelings that come up. Excitement? Fear? Does it feel safe to dream so expansively?
Write down what comes to mind and what you experienced in the vision.
Then let your vision pull you forward into a new and exciting future!
© 2021 MarBeth Dunn – All rights reserved
This updated reprint of my old blog seems so apropo in these “interesting times”… There’s a Chinese proverb that says, “May you live in interesting times.” To say that there are plenty of people who are wishing the times weren’t quite so interesting is an understatement! “Interesting” is a term that for so many people means fear, and this saddens me, as fear prevents you from living your best life. Detaching from fear allows you to step into your “bigger self” into a place of love, and that’s going to benefit both you and other people. I’ve come up with a few ways you can stop the fear, start experiencing love and start living life from your “bigger self” perspective.
Tap into LOVE – Do you label fear as something bad? Fear is an indicator that you are not feeling love. Notice what you’re feeling without any judgment, and gently shift your focus to thoughts of love. What can you do to give unconditional love to someone else? What can you do to experience more love yourself? When you are in a place of love, fear doesn’t exist. You can tap into love whenever you have a loving thought, or a thought of appreciation. The more loving thoughts, the higher your vibration will be. Ask yourself, “How can I experience more love in my life?” and let the answers flow into your mind. Deliberately choose thoughts of love, gratitude and appreciation whenever possible.
Create a new story – Do you tell yourself the same old fear based stories out of habit? “I’m not good enough to do this,“This never turns out well,” and “I always get hurt” are common mantras that keep you steeped in fear and prevent you from moving forward. Ask yourself, “What if it’s not true? What if I could simply change my thoughts to create a different outcome? How would I like it to look?” You’ve programmed yourself to believe the old story based on fear, and it’s keeping you small and contracted. You are a powerful being, with the ability to choose a new story with a different outcome. Tac, kle the old beliefs one by one and recreate your life.
Focus on the positive – Fear is a thought pattern that arises from feeling lack. Lack of power, lack of self esteem, and lack of self worth often engender a fear of being exposed to others. Get quiet, breathe deeply, and imagine yourself expanding in size until you are bigger than the universe. From this larger perspective, imagine you are filled with a pure, golden light of pure love, and that you feel good about yourself. Make a list of 10 positive things that you appreciate about yourself. Keep the list handy and read it often.
Fear keeps you vibrating at a very low level. Let your intention always be to keep as high a vibration as possible. Remember, when you’re vibrating at a higher level, magic starts to happen. Letting go of fear is one of the best things you can do for yourself and the world because your bigger self steps up, and you become the light you were born to be. In the absence of fear and in the presence of your bigger self, you’ll find empowerment and the courage to follow your intuition. This means you’re now living the authentic life you’re here to live. By being your highest, most loving self, other people will be influenced to live more authentically. Release judgment, tap into love, create a new story and shift your perspective, so nothing will stop you from stepping out in a big way. Your world is waiting!
© 2012 MarBeth Dunn and Destination Empowerment Inc